Caring for Others Without Losing Yourself

Today, nearly 63 million Americans — about one in four adults — serve as caregivers, and most provide that care unpaid. Many find themselves balancing the needs of their children while caring for aging parents, creating what is often called the “Sandwich Generation.” We call it the Responsibility Club — and membership can be overwhelming.

This deep sense of duty can cause people to lose sight of an important truth: you also have a responsibility to yourself. Caregiving can take a physical, emotional, financial, and relational toll if left unchecked.

I recently heard from a woman who spent most weekends flying to Denver to relieve her sister while caring for their father. As she spoke, she shared the cost — missing her son’s baseball games, watching her career stall, and feeling strain in her marriage. Through tears, she said, “Dad would have never wanted this if he only knew.”

If you find yourself in this season of life, take a deep breath. With intentional planning and honest communication, it is possible to care for your loved ones without losing yourself in the process.

Start With Yourself

Just like the airline safety rule, put on your oxygen mask before helping others. Your ability to care for family depends on your own well-being. Prioritize your health, relationships, rest, and personal boundaries. While it may feel counterintuitive, the healthiest order of care is often: yourself, your spouse, your children, and then your parents.

Have Honest Conversations

Open, candid communication is essential to reducing stress and preventing surprises.

Talk About Finances
Evaluate your budget and long-term goals. Consider college costs, retirement needs, and the financial impact of caregiving. With more than 10,000 Baby Boomers reaching retirement age daily, future government benefits may be more limited, increasing the need for personal financial planning.

Talk With Your Parents
Understand their wishes regarding future care. Discuss living arrangements, medical preferences, financial resources, and insurance coverage, including Medicare supplements and long-term care options.

Talk With Your Children
Transparency helps children understand shifting family responsibilities. Discuss expectations around education costs, scholarships, and financial independence, while protecting your retirement savings.

Make It Legal

One of the most overlooked steps in family planning is ensuring proper legal documentation. Durable powers of attorney, medical directives, and living wills help protect everyone involved during emergencies. Work with qualified legal and financial professionals to ensure these documents reflect your family’s needs.

Create and Maintain a Plan

A thoughtful, flexible life plan can help balance present responsibilities with future goals. Whether your priorities include education funding, retirement security, or providing care for parents, a well-structured plan provides clarity and peace of mind. Regularly review and adjust your plan as life changes.

Membership in the Responsibility Club is rarely easy, but it does not have to be overwhelming. With preparation, support, and purposeful planning, you can care for those you love while still living Life on purpose!